"Er hi. How are you?" I hesitated.

A pause. "I’m fine."

"Good. Yeah, listen – I just wanted to apologise for that bit at the beginning. I obviously didn’t mean it to happen like that, you know."

"I know. Lads will be lads."

"He just thought we should dance, I guess. I’m sorry; I know you said you didn’t want to."

"Yeah." Alicia continued to gaze at the far wall.

"Erm about this not talking thing?"

No answer.

"I just wanted to say I’m sorry if everything you said is what you feel. I didn’t mean it at all like that."

"Okay."

"And that text message I sent you?"

"Mm?"

"Never mind. Just forget it, please?"

"Yeah I told you I’d forgotten it."

"I know, but it just seems as if you’re still letting it affect the way you treat me."

"Of course it’s going to."

"Yeah I know, but I sent it-…"

"In the middle of the night in your sleep, yes, I remember."

"Yeah well that’s true."

"Okay."

"So are we talking now?"

"We were never not talking."

I thought we were. In fact, we weren’t talking, really." I sighed. "So are we still friends?"

"Of course. You mean a lot to me, you know that."

"I know."

"But not-…"

"Yeah I know that too. I just want us to get along. I miss the way we were friends before I told you. It was nice. Comfortable."

"Yeah."

"Well I’ve got to go."

"Okay."

"So I’ll see you later."

"Yeah."

"Text me sometime, yeah?"

"I will."

"So bye then."

"Okay."

02-01-2000

"Back at a dance, eh?" I said.

"Yeah."

"Anyone would think we never talked anywhere else."

"But we do. I texted you not so long ago."

"The last time you texted me was about two weeks ago. Don’t you remember when we used to text like five times a day?"

"Okay." Alicia obviously wanted to drop the subject.

Listen, I want to know what you want to do about our friendship."

"Well I want to stay friends of course."

"Sorry, that’s not one of the options. We aren’t friends any more, and we haven’t been for a while now so I wondered if you thought it was worth trying again."

"We’re still friends, Jon."

"No we’re not. We text once a fortnight, talk every month and a half, and fall out every three months. It’s hardly a friendship."

"But remember when I had that problem at school with Rachel? Who else would have helped me there? And who would have been so nice when I was depressed about falling out with Sophie? You’re one of my best friends, and you always will be."

"Things don’t stay the same for ever, Alicia. I’ve changed, you’ve changed. We’re mutually exclusive, and I think you should have realised that by now. It’s time to leave it, drop the rock. Forget me and move on."

"Is that what you’re going to do with me? Just forget we were ever even friends?"

"I’ll know, I’ll remember. You will too. We just won’t be friends. You must be used to that by now. We don’t talk, we don’t – we don’t do anything."

"It’s worth another try though, isn’t it? You asked if I would give it another go."

"No I didn’t. I only asked if you thought we should give it another go. The realistic answer would be no."

"I can’t just drop a friendship like ours."

"You don’t need to. I’m ending it."

"You can’t. Being friends is a two-way thing."

"Which means that if I pull out, there can be no friendship."

"But-…"

"It’s to save us both – you especially, believe it or not – from the pain it would cause." I walked away, and Alicia stood alone in the dance hall.

Cathy approached me. "Jon, wait up."

"Yeah?" I turned to face her.

"What’s up with Alicia?"

"Why do you ask me?"

"Because you seem to be what’s wrong with her."

"At the risk of sounding pedantic, you’ve just answered your own question."

"Are you two still friends?"

"We never were friends, Cathy. The way to tell if there ever was a friendship is to wait and see if it lasts forever. If it doesn’t, it wasn’t a friendship."

"But what about her? She’s stood out the back now, crying. Go and talk to her."

"That would only make things worse. I only said what I said to make things easier for her. She’ll realise soon enough that she’d have done the same thing if she were me."